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From Rock Bottom

Updated: Nov 18, 2021

I think that it is safe to assume that 2020 was a bust for most, am I right? "Low key #F2020... still broke still ain't got no monaaayyyy..." ok I got it out of my system... that felt good. Well what if I said that 2019 and 2021 have well surpassed 2020 when it comes to things going awry. I should just change the song maybe.. "Low key F the past four yeaaaaaarssss... still broke but now I'm outta teaaaars..."... that's better. I can roll with that. To be honest.. I have no idea how I am able to function sometimes, it look back at it all and think... man... what? How? You lived through all that... yes... I did. Now I am not beginning this blog to create a sympathetic community that feels like they have to help cater me through life... in fact it is the opposite. I know I am not the only one who has been battling traumas that have been debilitating and overwhelming. This blog is for my own sanity. To get my pent up demons and fears on a page, give them life, face them straight on, and more importantly have them documented... with that, maybe I will be able to help others stuck in the ashes like me.

Now you are probably thinking...

Who is this girl singing sad songs of a traumatic life when she looks like she's about 24/25 years old... forgive me for not introducing myself. My name is Hannah, I was born and raised in California and yes... it is getting wild and crazy in the Golden State.. trust me.. I don't go outside much... at least not where the people are. I am 31, I know, I know, "HoW dO yOu LoOk So YoUnG..." I don't know, I guess I just got lucky... and that's not me being vain I promise. I honestly have no idea why I look as young as I do, but I can guarantee its going to hit me like Flynn Ryder with a frying pan when I least expect it. So I am rolling with it for now.

Next question... what trauma could she have possibly gone through to feel like her life is so miserable? Word of advice... never actually ask someone that question... very rude and might get you a drink poured on your head or a punch in the face... just a warning. But, since I feel like it is the fire that is fueling this blog I will answer it.. I also asked it to myself and I already yelled internally at myself for it so, we're good.

I have always been a positive outlook kind of person, believing everything happens for a reason, God has a plan... all of it. Just, as much as I love and trust him... God needs to just take a nap for a little bit. From losing everything in a California wildfire, to finding out my mom had cancer (I will make a whole post about her, this is just an overview), to being her primary caregiver, to having to lose her after her incredibly hard fight. Talk about someone who believed in God, she had no fear, I have all of it. Losing her led to the usual depression, anxiety, fear of abandonment... sadly an extremely common and bad dependency on alcohol, self deprecation, and isolation. Small things have followed, a scammer hacking my socials, having to change my email and number I have had since middle school, men being dicks…. losing friends… you know… the whole lot. After all these events, I came to one conclusion… I am one damn strong woman.

Now… That brings me to this post. I have come here to create a place of safety. A place where I can unload the struggles of life, travel to places that I have always wanted to, battle my oh so loving demons, and maybe make a few friends on the way. A few fellow phoenixes that want a cranky, highly caffeinated, solo lady as a friend... one with a sailor mouth, some food allergies and that doesn’t drink unless very well supervised… if at all. This blog will include adventure, travel tips, travel questions, song recommendations, coffee, photography… questions and advice inquiries… and a lot more coffee. Maybe I’ll even slide in a couple pictures of my dog <3

So… here we go… on a new journey of finding ourselves… learning from our mistakes… making friends along the way… sharing stories, adventures, laughter… supporting each other through the hard times, the good times… together we will rise.

If you would like to follow my socials please be my guest… I love new friends! Please bare with me when it comes to my cringey TikToks haha they are a stress relieving outlet of stupidity and a very handsome Irish man.

Let’s hash it out y’all….

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